Faith is in the missing puzzle pieces

faith is in the missing puzzle pieces

geralt / Pixabay

The other day I had a conversation with my husband. We were discussing a parenting decision we had made some time ago. I remembered the decision but not the why’s. The girls are challenging me on it and I wanted to explain to them the our reasons but all I could say was, “Because that is the decision your dad and I came to.”

There are times when I’m sick that my memory starts to fade. I forget things. Sometimes it is a conversation had while living in brain fog, but other times it is something from my past. It slips out of my brain, a missing piece to the puzzle, sometimes found in the future and sometimes lost forever.

In this case I could remember what we decided and even that I was very passionate about the decision. I know we were in complete agreement.

I even remembered a few reasons why we came to the decision. But the only reasons I remembered dealt with the maturity of the girls. They are now more mature and have grown beyond my concerns.

There were other reasons too, of that I’m sure.

Reasons that were grounded through faith and prayer. Reasons that have slipped my mind.

I sat there talking around the issue, probing him for the reasons and all he kept saying was, “well we decided that because it came down to why.”

Finally I had to confess:

I had forgotten the why’s. I had forgotten the reasons and even the process in which we came to our decision.

I was missing critical pieces of the puzzle.

I couldn’t find them, I couldn’t place them, all I could do was walk in faith and belive that we were doing what we felt best for our girls–without any understanding of why.

As a parent that is so difficult.

I don’t have the answers.

Somewhere they have been lost in my memory and I’m unable to retrieve them.

It is something I’ve learned to accept. It is something I’ve learned to deal with.

To the outside world, I just look like a forgetful overwhelmed multi-tasking mom in these moments.

My children are slightly aware. They know I forget. Miss Crafty knows she has a better memory than me. I tell her something fully expecting her to remember because I won’t–and 99% of the time she does. I have learned to trust and rely on her more than a parent should of their 10 year old child.

My husband knows the true depths of my loss. I saw it in his eyes when I confessed to forgetting. With a simple whisper all he could utter was, “I didn’t know you were that bad again.”

Tears welled up in my eyes and I had no reply. I didn’t know when I lost it. Perhaps recently, possibly last year when my body was sicker than it had been in years.

For me, I have come to terms and accepted this. It allows me to live in ignorant contentment some days. I don’t remember all the pains of my past. I don’t remember all the details or people in my life. But that allows me to enjoy the here and now without all the baggage of what has been done.

And in my own tiny way, it encourages my faith.

I live in a world of what, but don’t always know the why’s.

 

Living in faith is knowing that God has provided me with the whats. He is putting the pieces of the puzzle in as they need to be there.

If there is a missing piece, it doesn’t mean that the picture is incomplete. Perhaps those blanks are not needed to fill in the entire frame.

Sometimes I feel I’m waiting for God to fill in the puzzle when He’s given me all I need. I see the missing pieces. I see the missing memories. I see the missing answers.

But God doesn’t.

He sees through the blanks. He sees around the holes. He sees that everything needed is there.

And that is where faith comes in.

Faith is taking that step, walking in the belief that God is guiding you and directing in you in the proper direction. Faith is knowing that if you need that last piece of the puzzle it will be there.

 

My memory loss was a struggle for a long time.

I reached out to friends, asking them to tell me stories of my life, looking at them to fill in the blanks. I was living in the past. Looking for things that were not there.

Once I moved beyond the loss, I started focusing on the present. If I didn’t have memories of the past, I could at least enjoy the now and make some more here.

For the parts that are missing? I have faith that when I need them, others who I trust will be there to fill in the blanks for me.

 

How does faith guide you when you are missing parts of the puzzle?

 

~Crystal

 

Shared with:

Thought-Provoking Thursday, Thriving Thursday, Thoughtful Thursdays, Essential Fridays

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