Dear daughter, I embarrass you because I love you

 

embarrass girl

Greyerbaby / Pixabay

Every night when I tuck the girls into bed we talk about good things. It started as a way to focus Miss Crafty on positive thoughts when she had night terrors. 8 years later, it is still part of our nightly routine. I consider myself very fortunate that my 9 and 10 year old daughters still want to be tucked into bed each night. It is a special time of girl bonding.

Often it leads to conversations that wouldn’t occur any other time of the day. I have a captive audience. They are stuck in their rooms and can’t get away from me.

A couple nights ago we had one of those kind of chats.

(fyi: I used color to help you follow the conversation. I am red, Miss Crafty is purple, and The Inventor is blue.)

I decided to kick it off as boring as I usually do: What is something you’re happy or thankful for tonight?

Miss Crafty: That tomorrow we might get to go to Wednesday night church.

I don’t know what came over me, it was completely spontaneous, but before I knew it, I was looking out the door checking out my husband who was standing in the hall. With a gleam in my eye, I found myself saying,

Well, that depends on what time my very handsome husband gets home with the truck.

Shock crossed her face. She covered her mouth and started giggling like a middle school girl who just found out her best friend has a crush on the boy next door.

Mom!!

Well, he is handsome.

But mom, no!

About this time The Inventor made it into the room to crawl into bed. Unaware of the conversation we’d just had, I asked her the same boring question.

The Inventor: That tomorrow night is church.

Sister!!! No!!!!!!

With a gleam in my eye, I looked at her, smiled, and heard the giggling middle school girl plead with me.

No mom, not again.

Well, that depends on what time………..your dad gets home with the truck.

Realief washed over Miss Crafty. Perhaps she thought I was done embarrassing her for one night.

Oh, thank you mom.

What was wrong with that? I don’t understand what mom said that was so bad.

You didn’t hear her the first time. She said that dad…… No, I can’t say it.

Knowing that I couldn’t leave it at that, I decided to fill The Inventor in on my little secret.

You see, sweet daughter, when your sister said that I told her it depended on what time my super handsome husband got home to his wife.

Miss Crafty tried to hide her red face and stifle her giggles with a pillow. It was completely unsuccessful.

A look of understanding crossed The Inventor’s face. She smiled, looked at me with eyes that seemed to say, “I think I just heard something private between you and dad, but that’s cool.”

With a giggle, hug, and a kiss, I walked out of the girls bedroom knowing I had achieved something much more important than embarrassing my daughter. When The Husband and I started our family, we decided that appropriate PDA was going to be allowed in our house. My girls see us hug, kiss, and flirt often.

It is intentional. I want them to know that it is entirely appropriate to be infatuated with your husband even after the honeymoon years.

[Tweet “I want my daughters to know there is more to physical attraction in marriage than locked doors.”]

I don’t want them to feel ashamed of being attracted to their husband or sex and in the Christian culture I think that happens more often than people are willing to admit. We are taught about abstinence until marriage. We are taught that sex is dirty and a sin.

Then suddenly, one day, it all becomes okay. Magically, after one ceremony and a signature on a document, sex, physical attraction to the opposite sex, touching each other, flirting, etc becomes encouraged and healthy.

There was shame that you felt anything before, and an internal struggle that it is suddenly okay. It is like one big dark cloud of confusion.

One that I’m trying to lighten up a little for my daughters. I’m attempting to model appropriate healthy physical relationships for them.

And I think they’re getting it, in a developmentally appropriate way.

So, for the rest of their lives, I will continue to embarrass them. I will continue to be that mom who flirts, kisses, and holds the hand of her husband outside of our bedroom, and outside of our house.

All because I love them…(also because I love my husband and feel like flirting with him)

 

~Crystal

 

Shared on:

Thriving Thursday

Thought Provoking Thursday

Thoughtful Thursday

Fellowship Fridays

Essential Fridays

Faith and Fellowship

Friendship Friday

Monday’s Musings

Motivational Monday

Soul Survival

 

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jennifer @ A Divine Encounter.com
    Oct 16, 2014 @ 18:43:02

    I like this! Mainly because I’m one of those moms, too. 🙂 But I agree with your point about the importance of modeling a healthy physical relationship. I also think in this age of such destruction of families through divorce, it’s reassuring for kids to see their parents loving each other unabashedly. Even if they’re totally embarrassed by it, too!

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    • Crystal
      Oct 18, 2014 @ 09:30:46

      It is the smiles from the girls that let me know I’m doing the right thing. Behind the embarrassment, I see happiness. I once told them I could stop embarrassing them but then I’d have to be serious all the time. They said my way was better. 😉 Thanks for stopping by and commenting Jennifer.

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  2. Martha G. Brady
    Oct 17, 2014 @ 12:47:43

    i think that is great! we did the same thing. we talked about saving yourself for marriage occasionally, but not to the degree i hear it now. i think it is carried way too far overboard in many quarters…to the omission of many other discussions.

    i watch the family on TV that shall remain nameless, as they side hug and are so vigilant to not “sin” in this area. but i’m not sure they get the idea of love and community…and the need for hugging and not worrying about the sexuality of it all that is possible to happen.

    sometimes we just need a hug. a big huge hug from our dad, or brother. not one that is worried about what others thing about whether they will have a sexual tho’t.

    and that is my rant today:)

    our kids need to see healthy relationships in the family without all the worry about the sexuality aspects. yes, they can be a problem…but warmth within the family is more likely to fill those needs.

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  3. normaleverydaylifeblog
    Oct 20, 2014 @ 17:28:14

    That’s great! I like to model affection for my kids too. I think kids like knowing their parents love each other, even if it embarrasses them sometimes! 😉

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  4. Terri Presser
    Oct 25, 2014 @ 02:49:54

    Great post, thanks for sharing it, just love it. I have a new link up on Mondays if you’d like to share it there that would be great. Good Morning Mondays at Darling Downs Diaries. Blessings and thanks again. Terri

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