I’m a recovering nag-aholic, are you?

 

nag and remind

geralt / Pixabay

 

I admit, I thrive when I nag.

There is something about the power and control. I make sure others do things my way and how I want.

The more I love you, the more I’ll nag.

My husband receives the brunt of my nagging.

It was so bad, he did an intervention. It wasn’t a sit down, I love you kind of intervention. It was more of an annoyed, I’m tired of this, it is about to lead to another fight kind of intervention.

Something had to change.

 

My nagging was causing issues in our marriage.

A few years ago I wanted a second shelf in my laundry closet.  I asked The Husband to cut me some boards out of the scrap wood, use some shelf brackets we had laying around and put it up. I thought it was a simple request. He said he’d get to it.

I waited, and waited, and waited.

Weeks turned into months, months turned into years.

I have no idea how long I waited. Often when I did laundry I looked at that space and it reminded me of how he didn’t complete the project.

But being in nag-aholic rehab, I stayed silent.

He said he’d take care of it, and I needed to trust he would.

Honestly, I thought he had forgotten about it. I came up with creative ways to store things elsewhere in the house. I used milk crates to build shelves. I stored other things in inconvenient locations. I forgot about the shelf.

Then I took a trip out of town with my mom and sister for a girls weekend away. We had a blast.

When I got home I was met with a beautiful surprise. The Husband had spent the weekend building my shelf in between taking care of the girls.

 

I learned something that day.

I could have nagged him for the shelf. I could have reminded him often that I wanted it put up. I could have asked about deadlines and when it would get done.

But I didn’t, I stayed quiet.

And when I had forgotten about the request entirely, he gave it to me. Out of the kindness of his heart, and something he wanted to give me. It wasn’t made out of obligation but love. The shelf is just some old plywood we had laying around but it is one of the most beautiful gifts I’ve ever received.

 

I still nag but not nearly as often.

Nagging can be a sign of not trusting the person. The Husband told me he would build the shelf, and I needed to trust that he would do it. Most of the time I don’t have to wait years for him to complete my requests, but no matter how long it takes, they are always done.

I believe my nagging comes from my forgetfulness. I don’t remember things very well. I need to be reminded of things often. Those reminders are a form of nagging.

I thrive in a nagging environment. I need people to nag and remind me because I forget the simplest requests within 30 seconds sometimes.

There is an app on my phone that reminds me to drink every hour so I stay hydrated. I set up reminders for simple things throughout the day, like doing the dishes or mopping the floor. I have to keep lists of my daily to-do’s or I forget.

I ask people to be my accountability partners. For me, accountability and nagging are synonyms.

I was projecting that need to be nagged onto others. I was not keeping track of what I needed to do, and instead reminding others what they had not yet done for me.

 

Because I nag those who I love most, I nagged God above all.

I was impatient, I didn’t want to wait, and I wanted answers now.

I would pray, “Dear God, I know you’re going to get to me, but please give me an answer soon.” Instead of waiting I was praying constantly. Yes, the Bible tells us to pray without ceasing but these were selfish prayers, “Dear God, please make it happen quickly.” or “Dear God, I asked for this and it hasn’t happened yet. I don’t understand why I have to wait so long. Please make it happen.”

There was even the classic nagging prayer, “Dear God, I’m still here and waiting, don’t forget about me.”

As I began my recovery from nagging, something changed inside. I became more willing to wait. “Dear God, I’m really struggling with waiting. I know you have Your time so please help me wait in peace.” and “Dear God, you know what I’m going through. Please make it obvious what direction I should go.”

Recently, I prayed that second prayer for almost a year. I wasn’t asking God to go in a single direction, I wasn’t asking God to answer immediately. My soul was at rest, my soul was at peace, I simply sat and waited.

Other things happened while waiting. And when God’s answer came, I was ready. It was the right time. And things fell perfectly into place.

I could have forced an answer. I could have chosen to not wait in peace, but I fear where I’d be today if I had. It would have led to me nagging The Husband, it would have led to bitterness and issues between the two of us, and it may have led to great financial struggles.

Instead of nagging, I chose trust:

 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not rely on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths smooth.

Proverbs 3:5-6

 

Have you ever struggled with nagging? Are you a recovering nag-aholic like I am? Leave me a comment and let’s talk about it!

 

~Crystal

 

 

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kaylene Yoder (@FaithfulFeat)
    Jul 16, 2014 @ 09:25:53

    nagging God…I’ve never thought of that! 🙂 I’m not a nagger, my husband says, but maybe I do nag God a bit…?? I have some food for thought, leaving here. Thank you for sharing!

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  2. Emily Cook
    Jul 20, 2014 @ 15:49:12

    Nagging! Yes! It is hard to undestate the damage this does (that I do if I do not check myself!) It does come naturally to me!

    Sometimes I say to myself when I see that THING that he didn’t do that I asked him to do– Ok self, you can either do it yourself (and not resent it) or wait (and not nag or resent or passive aggressively punish him.) Both options seem impossible sometimes- but this is a good reminder to me that I need God’s help to love those around me even in these little things!

    Nice to meet you!
    (from theeangeltree)

    Emily
    http://www.weakandloved.com

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    • Crystal
      Jul 21, 2014 @ 09:31:08

      So true Emily! I nagged my husband really bad when we first got married. I continually told him he didn’t fold the laundry right or wash the dishes correctly. We’ve been married 12 years. He still won’t wash the dishes and only puts away his laundry. Nagging does very long term damage. Happy to find another recovering addict! Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to getting to know you more.

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  3. pinklady08
    Jul 20, 2014 @ 16:41:26

    I was really bad at nagging when my husband and I first got married because, no, I didn’t trust him to get things done like he said he would. Years later, I’ve learned that it might not be done in MY time, but I have to give him a chance and like you said, it means so much more when it comes from him rather than me being a pain in the rear and forcing him to do things.
    Marifaith from theeangeltree
    http://pinklady08.wordpress.com/

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    • Crystal
      Jul 21, 2014 @ 09:37:52

      I was worse when we first got married too Marifaith. I was so bad he still won’t do the dishes or laundry–12 years later. It does lots of damage. Thankfully, I have learned and my world is a better place now. Thanks for coming by!

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  4. Julie @ Pushing Forward with Grace
    Jul 20, 2014 @ 18:36:59

    I really enjoyed reading this. I tend to nag my husband. I’m thankful for your words. Also I am coming up on a very big change that will entail alot of Trust and a friend shared Proverbs 3 : 5-6 to me. your blog was another sweet reminder. Looking forward to following your blog! Grace is a gift.

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    • Crystal
      Jul 21, 2014 @ 09:42:32

      I agree Julie, Grace is a gift. Our change was full of faith and stress. It was definitely not fun at the time and it has lasting impact on our family. My husband left his job of 11 1/2 years, on faith, and without another job as of his last day. God provided and 6 days later he was back to work at his new job. I pray your change is smooth and you are able to walk through it with grace. Looking forward to reading your blog too!

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