Dear Dad, I love you

I grew up in a family where we didn’t express our affection toward one another, we still don’t. I don’t often hug my mom, dad or sister–it feels awkward. I never talk to my brother. Nothing happened, just distance and time.

So it may seem shocking to my dad to see the title of this post, or even that I am choosing to write a letter to him and share it so openly.

With father’s day coming up Sunday, I wanted to honor my dad today because he is my dad and had a great part in who I became. Please honor him with me.

I invite you to honor your dad or father figure too. Feel free to share about him in the comments below. We will celebrate together.

 

 

Dear Dad,

I know we have had our ups and our downs. We still don’t have that stereotypical father/daughter relationship. While I know how to get in touch with you and you live just an hour away, we can go weeks without talking.

I wasn’t the easiest of daughters to raise. I see now that you tried and did your best, although I gave you grief at the time. It couldn’t have been easy being thrown to the wolves, becoming my primary parent during my teenage years. I know you got drug along for my wild roller coaster ride of emotions. Thanks for hanging on and never giving up on me.

I have seen you struggle through these past few years and it breaks me. I want to fix it and make everything okay. I wish I could fix your brain so you could think how you used to. I wish I had a magic pill or the answers the doctors can’t find to take all your physical pain away. It isn’t that you have given up, it is that your body will not allow you. I do not know how you manage some days.

Through it all your silent strength is still teaching me so much. I know it was a long road, but your acceptance of your health issues gives me courage. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to hit a wall–unable to figure something out–knowing how simple it was a few years ago yet you are unable to do it now. I don’t know how you are able to walk around in constant pain from your migraines, without ever having relief.

Because of you I have finally been able to fully accept my own health struggles. I see that I can go on. I know you have said similar things about me in the past. Maybe we support each other, silently proving an example of perseverance through the trials, silently encouraging one another by example.

Thank you for being an example of how to love the simple things. I know that some days it is all you can find peace in.

I love way you light up when my daughters come over. I know how much pain you must be in some days, how much the light or simple sound of their thrilled voices can put you in agony but you smile and love on them anyways.

I love the conversations we have, even when they have to be cut short because the pain is too much. Never feel bad about telling me to stop talking or that I’m making you think too much. It is okay.

Because I know that even reading can be a struggle for you sometimes I’m going to keep this short. There is so much left unsaid but I will try to summarize. Thank you for raising me. Thank you teaching me so much while I was growing up, and still teaching me today. Thank you for loving me, however silent it was, I know you did and always will.

Happy Father’s Day.

I love you,

Crystal