Seven Days Until the Unknown Arrives

Normally, I try to keep things positive. I try to find the good in my patch of grass, but today I’m struggling through the unknown. I cannot be fake and put out a cheery little “whatever God” post as planned for Wednesdays. That is simply not where I am…

I’m completely stressed and I really don’t know what is going to happen. I’m trying to trust in God through this and live in Whatever but I cannot pretend.

Things are not going how I planned.

Last January when The Husband and I realized his time at his job was done, we made some plans. We left room for things to change, but we had some basic plans and ideas of how things were going to work out. Nothing is turning out right.

 

searching for the unknown

geralt / Pixabay

 

We started trying to sell the house in January.

….Nobody wanted it.

I was going to get a part time job that allowed me to work at home.

….I worked for a while but due to company policies, I was unable to continue.

The Husband was going to stay working through the end of May.

….He is leaving at the end of April instead.

We thought someone else was interested in the house.

….That too fell through.

The Husband has a good job lead and we’re waiting to hear on that.

….is this going away too? Everything else has.

 

I know that I should trust in God to work things out but it is so hard sometimes.

Deep within my soul I have to rely on that. I have to believe that God will make something happen. But I can’t see it right now and we’re down to the wire.

 

The Unknown Arrives in 7 days.

In 7 days The Husband is out of a job. I can sugar coat it and say we knew this was coming. We prayed for months about this and feel like God is directing us to whatever may come. He chose to quit his job without having another one lined up, this was our decision and not remotely suggested by his employer. We do have enough in savings for a few months, we’ll be okay. We’re trusting God to lead us through the unknown, He knows the way.

But I have to keep it real.

I’m confused. I try to ignore the feelings that build up inside of me because when I think of the gravity of the situation, I lose it. I put on a brave face for the girls and tell them that God knows and He’ll take care of us. And I truly believe that.

But it doesn’t hide the fact that I’m scared. I’m scared of all things unknown:

An unknown job

I’m worried that he’s out of a job in 7 days. Good jobs are hard to come by right now. He’s worked the same job for 11 1/2 years so he’s not used to doing resumes, interviews, and looking for work. What if nobody wants to hire him?

What happens if he gets a job that doesn’t work for our family? We have been spoiled by his current job. He works great hours that gives him a lot of time at home in the afternoon and evenings. Yes, he is on call 24/7/365 and the phone calls and texts at all hours wear us down, but what happens if his new job has hours that takes him away from us more?

 

I don’t know how long we’re going to live here.

We tried to sell the house, not that it would solve all our problems, but the main reason we live where we do is because of The Husband’s job. Once that went away, we thought about moving back to his hometown and closer to more extended family. It made sense, but it seems that God isn’t done with us in this small town yet. I don’t understand why we belong here.

It isn’t like I hate it here. We picked this house as our forever house and both of us dream of what it will become. But things changed. We would love the girls to grow up around cousins, but we’re stuck here in this forever house that we dreamed of.

If someone were to come to us tomorrow and make an offer on the house, we might accept it as long as The Husband doesn’t have another job yet. We’re not actively looking anymore, but if God walks someone into our lives, we’ll take it. Do I think that will happen? No. Do I think we are going to live here for a while. Yes…but there is the chance of it, so the unknown sneaks in.

That means I’m in a constant state of…do I get it out for the season, or leave it packed away? How soon can we pack this house if someone wants to buy it next week? We told the girls we were staying here, but if that changes will they be mad? Are there jobs available there or are we potentially leaving for bigger problems?

 

What if someone gets sick?

My health is always a big concern. It is up and down. I had it balanced for a few years, but it has been a challenge this past year. It is starting to balance out finally, but for how long? We lose health insurance in 7 days. I don’t know how long it will be until we get it back. I’ve stockpiled some of my prescriptions by skipping a day here and there, but those only last how long. Nothing I’m on is critical. It isn’t life threatening if I go off of them, but they do help my quality of life dramatically. How much will that change when I run out of medication? Will we have to figure out how to pay full price for these drugs?

I worry about the girls. What happens if they get sick and need to go to the doctor? Or if something happens and one of them gets injured and needs to go to the ER. How are we going to pay for that? And being brutally real here: If our savings runs low and we become income eligible, will the girls qualify for Medicaid so we have some back up in emergencies?

 

Unknown Expenses

I don’t know what is to come. That is why they are unknown. But I worry about them. Tomorrow our truck goes to the shop to fix an oil leak. It is our only mode of transportation and it must be fixed. I don’t know how much that is going to cost or what it is going to take. We have been given a quote and we have enough–in our savings account that was supposed to help us live for a few months.

What happens if something else comes up? What other unknown expenses are out there? How long can we really survive on our savings if things keep happening and taking chunk after chunk away?

 

Do I really need to worry about any of this? Is the house going to sell or The Husband get a job in the next 7 days? It is enough to make my head spin and drive a person crazy.

Sometimes I want to throw my head back, look up at the sky and yell:

Dear God! I’m tired of the unknown. Just fix it all now and tell me what to do!!!

 

Honestly, at this point I try to avoid the situation and live in a state of “whatever”. The unknown is driving me crazy and affects my family too much. At least in “whatever” I can cope. It reminds me to trust God and to turn things over to Him. He has the control, and I know that, but I worry.

I walk in faith, and I try to stay positive, but sometimes it is just. so. hard.

Hopefully next week I have a better update and God has worked some things out by then.

~Crystal

Today I’m content because:

Standing in contentment in green grass

LoggaWiggler / Pixabay

  • It rained all day yesterday and is supposed to continue off and on throughout this week. I’m thankful for a dry roof over my head that doesn’t leak.
  • Wednesday means it is soup day. I have an easy dinner to make  tonight which means I have more time to spend with my family.

 

 

Every year I pick one word to summarize my year instead of making New Year’s Resolutions. It is all based on the book My One Word by Mike Ashcraft. The idea is to pray and pick a word. Then as you go through the year you focus on it, you apply it to situations in your life, and use it to help you through tough times. It honestly is the only way I’m coping right now. I have to keep reminding myself, “Whatever God, you’ve got this, I’m waiting…”

 

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Giving God my Whatever « Living in Green Grass Living in Green Grass

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