I Have a Science Deficiency

I confess, I have a science deficiency. I like to think I can do almost anything, but if you call it science suddenly I cannot complete the simplest things.

I think when God made me, He took away all the science thinking cells in my brain. Instead of stopping there, He created a black hole of sorts. Whenever anything science related gets close to those cells, it gets sucked in and taken to a great unknown void.

 

This has been a problem all my life. Back in high school I took a year of chemistry. I struggled and barely scraped by with a ‘C’ only because of the good graces of my teacher. The labs were the worst. Let’s take someone who cannot…no should not…be anywhere near anything science related, give her toxic chemicals, and tell her to light a fire over highly flammable gas…..

 

OpenClips / Pixabay

…..thankfully my lab partner kept all his eyebrows and only lost a little of his hair.

That was the last time they let me near the Bunsen Burner. I think the smart kids that were forced to share a lab station with me were terrified. They often let me ‘observe’ their work and just copy the results.

I now realize how smart they were…they were simply trying to survive, not give me a free pass.

I got this bright idea several years ago to enroll the girls into an online charter school.

It is a great thing for our family. I love it because it lets me be active in their daily learning and lets the girls learn at the level they are ready for. There are daily assignments established by the school. They have a teacher who grades all major assignments and is there to help we cannot figure something out together.

 

How hard can 3rd & 5th grade be?

 

Unless it is Science….

 

OpenClips / Pixabay

I warned The Husband that when the girls got to high school I was out of the science picture if he wanted to come home to a house instead of a pile of ashes. I figured I was good until then.

I was so wrong.

During Miss Crafty’s first year I struggled with science. She had a lab where she had to pour water over 2 different soil samples to decide whether potting or sandy soil held more water. To this day I don’t know what I did, but it ended up in the black hole. After calling the teacher this is what she said:

 

“Is your husband available on the weekends? Perhaps he should help with science projects from now on.”

 

I managed to fail 1st grade science, as a 29 year old woman.

 

Now it is just a joke in our house. Anytime there is a science project I’m not allowed to help. The girls manage them on their own. If I come anywhere near the project the lab report says, “No, my results didn’t support my hypothesis. Here is what should have happened….”

I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them wrote, “No, my results didn’t support my hypothesis because my mom helped and screwed it all up.”

 

And that is a really long introduction to our science misadventures this week:

The Inventor had 2 science labs. Okay, I can gather materials and let her do them, that is normal around here.

Then, she informs me that it involves baking biscuits. Awesome! I can bake, I should be able to do this lab. She just has to put in 3 times the amount of baking powder in one batch to learn about the effects of baking powder in chemical reactions.

Oh no….chemistry…..heat…..ovens…..she said science…..black hole….not a good start to the lab

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She mixed up the dough, I rolled it for her and then she began cutting. We put them in the oven and waited for the magic to happen…

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2 words….Black Hole

So we tried batch number 2 and put in 9 teaspoons of baking powder instead of the 3 the recipe called for….

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2 words….Mom Helped

At least she could tell me what was supposed to happen.

A couple days later I was dreading the 2nd lab. She was still learning about chemical reactions and me and chemistry don’t mix.

It was one of those baking soda and vinegar labs.

Score! I can do this one…

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One of them is supposed to be flat as it was filled with flour….so I successfully helped with a lab.

The sad thing is this is a common preschool lab that you do for 3 year olds. They like seeing the magic of science, the bubbles, and the balloon blowing up.

Bummer. I still can’t pass elementary science but at least I made it through preschool!

 

In my patch of grass:

LoggaWiggler / Pixabay

  • I broke Living in Green Grass this past weekend. I got the site back up and running and found a cache of a few old posts. I’m glad I didn’t lose everything.
  • We should be getting some answers this week in regards to our house and whether we’re going to sell and move or stay here.
  • A dear friend was being tested for cancer. It came back negative! I’m so thankful my friend is going to be okay.

 

~Crystal

 

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